Thursday, May 3, 2012

Geagea assassination attempt proves existence of God, claims new party poster

For those of you who imagine that the crude manipulation of religious credulity for political gain is somehow an exclusively Muslim phenomenon, consider the new billboard I noticed this morning recently erected by the Lebanese Forces, the militia-turned-party that has its roots in Lebanon’s sectarian Christian far-right:

The text at the top has been variously translated to me as “If God is with you, then you’re safe”; “If God is with you, who is stronger than you?”; and “If God is with you, who dares to be against you?” The man pictured is the LF’s leader, 'Dr' Samir Geagea, extending his hand in a gesture probably not accidentally reminiscent of Michelangelo’s ‘The Creation of Adam’.

The line is an obvious reference to the recent attempt on Geagea's life, in which he narrowly evaded two sniper rounds fired at his Maarab residence. Evidently, for the LF, his survival cannot be put down to mere chance: nothing less than a genuine miracle occurred on April 4th, 2012.

I’m struck anew how infinitely fascinating are the methods of the Almighty. His omnipotence notwithstanding, He apparently couldn’t simply have had the assassins undergo, say, a last-minute change of heart. Nor was He interested in any of the arguably more exciting means available for thwarting their plan - lightning strike; spontaneous combustion; sudden encirclement by man-eating dinosaurs; etc. And, for all His moral pontificating, He curiously sees no reason to have the culprits caught and punished for trying to eliminate His earthly comrade. No, instead, He opts as always for a shabby half-measure; a mediocre cop-out that bears the stamp, in every detail, not of a divine intelligence but a common mammal. 

But why let all that ruin an opportunity to assert that God is not only on the side of your sect, but in fact your political party, while comparing the head of that party to the biblical father of mankind himself in the process?

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